Take a moment to self-connect

A request is usually unexpected = a surprise to the person receiving the request.

In an in-person situation, the expected response time is less than 1 second and no more than 2-3 seconds.

To respond in a way that is aligned/self-connected I might need to self-connect and imagine my options/needs.

Instead of reacting, which can often means saying “yes” to the need of connection and saying “no” to other needs of mine, I would like to take a moment, be aware of my needs and make a choice.

 

A “No” Is a “Yes” to a Need

In NVC, every “no” is actually a “yes” to something you value.

Instead of focusing on rejecting the person, you focus on:

What need of mine would not be met if I say yes?

What am i trying to care for?

Example: “I can not help tonight.”

might really mean: “I need rest” or “I need reliability as i promised to help someone else”

 

What can help me say no?

• Honest/Authentic

• Specific

• About needs (not blame)

• Clarity/Decisiveness

• Sadness for an opportunity to connect

• Appreciation for our connection

• Empathy (to a certain point)

• Vulnerability eg: my skill, health, limitations

• Not apologetic for existing

• Not attacking

• Suggesting alternative strategy – with consent!

• Suggesting to meet the need/reconsider later

​

​