Dance of Connection

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In Nonviolent Communication (NVC), there are 3 states of connection:

• Empathic listening: Turning outward to sense what’s alive in the other person—listening for their feelings and needs, even behind difficult words or behaviors.

• Self-connection: Turning inward to notice what’s alive in me—my feelings, needs, and body sensations—without judgment. It’s how I get clarity before reacting or speaking.

• Honest expression: Sharing what’s alive in me clearly and with a goal to connect, using observations, feelings, needs, and (when appropriate) requests—without blame or diagnosis.

 

Together, empathic listening meets the other, self-connection grounds me and honest expression reveals me —creating connection, mutual understanding and acceptance.

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When to transition from Empathy to Self-connection?

. after I try to acknowledge what comes up with me, put it aside and its not going aside

. when it is hard to concentrate on the other person. eg: tired, hungry, in a rush

. when I feel overwhelmed with what arises in me. eg: noticed I’m not present

 

When to transition from Empathy to Expression?

. when there is 2 breaths of silence in the conversation

. when there is curiosity on the other

. when I feel a strong need to interrupt

Either way it is important to ask for consent - see if they are ready to listen and not full enough