Why Connecting Communication?​

Connecting Communication helps with conflicts, misunderstands and connection to myself.​

 

Because Connecting Communication works - for me and thousands of people practicing NVC in the world (with over 1000 certified trainers). And yet, it might not work for everyone.

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My experience with Connecting Communication is that:

1. When people receive empathy they feel heard and understood and that need is HUGE -> connection.

2. Identifying/Naming the need behind behavior can bring to a real "aha" moment" -> healing and growth.

3. Leads me towards awareness, freedom and acceptance.

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​What is Connecting Communication?

Connecting Communication/NVC provides tools to help with misunderstandings, triggering events and conflicts.

 

How does NVC do that?

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1. Identifying something very very disconnecting – identifying judgment and evaluation.

Judgment an be disconnecting. Marshall Rosenberg used to call a judgment a jackal/jackal language

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What is judgment/evaluation?

To simplify, judgment is the categorization of things into good/bad, right/wrong

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EXAMPLES:

"It's way too late to be making such an awful racket"

vs 

"It's 2:00 a.m. and I hear your stereo playing"

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“the person is stupid”

vs

"the person did things I didn’t understand"

"the person did things in ways I hadn’t planned"

"the person did things differently than i do"

 

Judgment is NOT BAD, Judgment is DISCONNECTING

 

Another goal in this course will be gaining skill at making observations = separating between what is happening/what we are sensing and our evaluations – this can create a common ground of shared reality of what happened.

 

The AWAREness that I’m evaluating something in terms of good/bad or right/wrong gives me the choice of whether I want to be disconnecting.

 

2. Identifying something very connecting - we all have feelings and needs. Feelings and needs are universal and we all understand and relate to them.

 

By identifying the feelings and needs behind behavior we can understand, grow and find peace/acceptance.

There are literally lists of feelings and lists of needs shared in the community.

 

EXAMPLES:

“when your dog barks I feel scared because I have a need for safety”

“when I am do not recognize anyone in the classroom, I feel alone because I have a need for connection”

“I do not have a job and do not have a plan for my life. I feel lost and confused. I have a need for meaning and purpose”

 

Both reducing disconnection by reducing judgement AND increasing connection by name feelings and needs are concepts that require and encourage AWARENESS which is probably the main idea/skill behind NVC.