What is a strategy?

Strategy is an action or a behavior that is chose to try and meet a need

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What is the difference between a need and a strategy?

Needs are abstract =  needs connect between people
eg: i have a need for safety, support, connection, meaning etc.
Everyone can relate to needs = they are universal

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Strategies are specific = limiting and can be a source of conflict/misunderstanding

Many strategies can meet the same need

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What is a request?

Request is asking for a strategy – a context-specific action/behavior with the intent that it will fulfill my needs.

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For EXAMPLE: "It's 2:00 am and I can hear your stereo playing. I feel frustrated and would like to sleep (need).
Can you please turn down the volume? (request)"
OR
"Next time, can you please let me know in advance?"
OR
"Do you want to use my headphones?"
OR
"Can you change the music to something I like too?"

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Another EXAMPLE: I have a need for love from my partner.
Strategies/expression of love
1. Physical touch – “Would you like to cuddle with me?”, “Can I have a hug?”
2. Words of affirmation – “Can at least one nice thing to me every morning?”
3. Acts of service – “Can you take out the trash”?
4. Gifts – “Can you give me something that shows that you care for me?”
5. Quality time/presence – “Can we spend a couple of hours together this weekend?”

* based on 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman which claims that each person has their individual go-to/"favorite" strategies

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How to make requests that are more connecting and likely to be fulfilled?

Ask for what we want, not what we do not want.
eg: “I asked him not to spend so much time at work. Three weeks later, he responded by announcing that he’d signed up for a golf tournament!”

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SMART language
S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Actionable
R = Reasonable
T = Timely  (include time frame)

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Requests to myself are also possible and (for those with a huge need for self-reliance)
eg: I am requesting myself to revisit this again in a week.
eg: I am requesting myself to not expect so much from this person going forward.
eg: I am requesting myself to try and notice next time when something similar is happening and speak out immediately.

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