What are Feelings?

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Feelings include: calm, excited, sadness, anger, fear, tired, disgust, shame, guilt, confused, suprise and many more….

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List of Feelings

 

Feelings are pleasant when our needs are being met

Feelings are unpleasant when our needs are unmet

 

No feeling is wrong/bad.

It’s not bad to be angry. There is nothing wrong to feeling fear.

I’m not feeling happy it’s OK – it’s not bad.

We feel all feelings. Some are unpleasant feelings and some pleasant feelings.

 

It is important to name the emotion, without moral judgment, with the energy of real curiosity.

Am I understanding?

Not with the energy of of shame for a feeling

Without an agenda of trying to prevent from feeling as I or someone is feeling

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What are NOT feelings ?

1. When I say “I feel that/like/if…” before something

Eg:

“I feel I didn’t get a fair deal”

“I feel like a failure.”

“I feel I am constantly on call.”

“I feel inadequate as a guitar player.”

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2. Pseudo feelings/Faux feelings/Perceptions

Eg: “I feel ignored.”

interpretation of the actions of others

Observation could be “I did not hear/see a response”

NOT a clear statement of how we are feeling.

Sometimes we felt hurt because we wanted connection

other times we feel relief, because we wanted to be left to ourselves

Common faux feelings are: abandoned, rejected, misunderstood, manipulated, threatened ,bullied...

 

NVC assumption: I am responsible for my own feelings.

Others cannot make me feel anything

People’s actions can trigger a feeling, but my feelings come from my own needs.

eg: "You make me angry/sad/afraid". Nope

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Body Sensations

Feelings are not just emotional labels (“sad”, “angry”, “excited”).
They are also physical experiences in the body

The body is often the first place where feelings appear.
Long before we name something “stress”, “joy”, or “fear”, the body is sending signals.

Eg: “I feel anxious”

the body might show:

. tightness in chest

. shallow breaths

. clenched jaw

 

To help myself name emotions I can turn to my body and ask

What sensations do I notice in my body?

What emotion might this be connected to?