What are Observations?

​

Observations are purely factual descriptions of what has happened, with no component of judgment or evaluation.

Observations are things that we sense with our senses: I heard, I saw, I smelled...

If someone was recording the event what would the recording show?

​

Observable facts provide a common ground for communication.

While people often value things differently and end up disagreeing on the evaluations.

​

​

"The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence." - Jiddu Krishnamurti, Indian philosopher

​

Observations EXAMPLES

​

"He frequently comes over.”

“He comes over at least three times a week.”

 

"She’s always late."

"She arrived after the agreed time three times this week."

 

“You seldom do what I want.”

“The last three times I initiated an activity, you said you didn’t want to do it.”

 

Next level difficult

“He is lazy”

“He slept between lunch and dinner”

​

“Doug procrastinates.”

“Doug only studies for exams the night before.”

​

“You are the most arrogant speaker we’ve ever had!”

“I have not heard that you had difficulty with this process yourself”

​

Naming a thought/evaluation in an observation

“You are too generous.”

“When I see you give all your lunch money to others I think you are being too generous.”

 

Naming an emotion or a need in an observation

“Jim is ugly.”

"Jim's face is not symmetrical."

“Jim’s looks don’t appeal to me.”

"Jim's face does not meet my need for beauty"

 

The underlying belief that supports nonjudgment is

• My experience is not necessarily the ultimate truth/ the truth for others

• It’s possible that I do not know something - confirmed from all those times I’ve learned, changed, saw things differently

​

A word of reassurance and encouragement....

Observations are the most difficult part of NVC - see this as a decade long journey - a work in process.

Many certified candidates and even some NVC certified trainers with years of experience have difficulty with this.

​

Benefit of this skill is that once I can identify the observation I can see how much everything else I am experiencing is NOT an observation (i.e. my feelings, my needs, parts of me and other the filters thru which i see the world). Identifying the observation can often calm me. I realize that the situation is not really that charged - its me that is adding the charge to it.

​​