What are Needs?

Needs can be: Safety, Support, Connection, Consideration, Meaning, Purpose and many more…

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List of Needs

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According to NVC, feelings and needs are universal.

We can all understand and relate to feelings and needs

By identifying our needs we can understand, grow and find peace/acceptance.

 

Behind every behavior is a feeling and a need.

The need is the reason for the feeling.

The need is the reason for the behavior.

A need word is the response to “why am I feeling this way?”

When our needs are met we have pleasant feelings; when they are not met, we have unpleasant feelings.

“When my need for safety is met I feel safe, relaxed, calm”

“When my need for safety is unmet I feel anxious, worry, fear”

 

As with feelings, the framework of not judging the needs is important

There is no shame in having the need for safety or the need for connection

There is nothing wrong/bad with having needs

We all have needs and it is easiest to approach my needs with the energy of real curiosity.

Am I needing…?

 

As a beginner in NVC this was what was newest for me and required the most amount of practice. I was not able to name my needs and spent a lot time learning what my needs are.

 

How do I know what are needs?

By guessing.

Giving myself some time to think about the guess, open up to the idea of my guess.

Often there will be something in me – body sensations will resonate when I guess correctly.

Sometimes people really experience an “Aha moment” where it is very clear that this guess is hits the spot.

Sometimes I don’t figure it out – and that’s ok too.

 

Needs are my needs and not for someone else

eg: I can NOT have a need for safety for my friend. I have a need for care or for support.

 

Needs vs strategy

Needs are abstract while strategies are specific. Needs can be met by many strategies.

“My need for safety can be met by having someone who I feel safe with to be with me”

“My need for safety can be met by leaving to a place I feel more comfortable in”

“My need for safety can be met by starting to talk to the person I fear to learn about their intentions”

 

Knowing there is a need behind every feeling/action gives me the trust to keep guessing until I find it.

Allowing myself to process (i.e. figure out the need) and align with myself.